Eleven years before I was born, my brother was. Reza was like a second father to me, in fact if my real dad was anymore of a douche bag I would've emancipated myself and made him my legal guardian. However my dad was able to cap off his douchness at the amount I was able to tolerate, so emancipation wasn't necessary. My brother has been the biggest influence in my life, from my studies, to my discipline. If I was to step ot of line, not only did he have an asswhooping ready for me, he also had an assignment. I might have been the only eight year old to almost read an entire encyclopedia set. His unique way of punishment taught me responisibility and shaped me into the person I am today. I can remember of one specific moment in my life where the true essence of my brother is present.
I sat in my chair anxiously looking at the school clock waiting for the minute hand to tick so I can be released from this child prison. I finally heard the bell and ran my six year old legs through the hallways weaving through people like a car through traffic. I desperately waited to see my mom so she can take me to the comforts of my of my Super Nintendo and Lazy Boy. To my surprise I saw my brother loitering near his car. As I approached him he told me the bad news, that I had to see the dentist. He smirked as he saw my smile gradually turn into a frown. Silence filled the car on the way to the dentist's office, I thought he was about to say something, but it turned out only to be a sneeze. As we drove I get more nervous and the tension is growing faster than bacteria on day old raw meat. Suddenly I saw him pull into a shopping center no where near the dentist’s office. My brother looks at me asks, “You hungry?”. The dark cloud over me was overpowered by the sunshine glimmering off the McDonald's arches.
From that moment on I knew every ass beating I took, every encyclopedia article I read, yes even the one on South African Crickets, was worth having a big brother. Sometimes I do need to remind him I'm an adult now, well at least legally, but in the end, I wouldn't change a thing about him.
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I enjoyed reading your story. I was surprised with your honesty and admire it. Most people do not have the guts to be honest, so congrats. I also found myself laughing at a couple parts. The only criticism I have is to be careful of spelling/grammatical errors. Also, make sure to maintain a specific time-period throughout your story. I noticed toward the middle/end, a sentence was written in present-tense though the majority of the story was written in past-tense. Other than that, great job and can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with jess, I also believe that your story could be relatable to most readers. I think relating to readers is important to keep interest, and my interest was kept so well done. I also love that you can always add a comical aspect to your stories.
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