360

My friends were flying off the shelves before they ever had a chance to settle in. It seemed every time I introduced myself to someone they were taken seconds later. It was finally my turn when I saw an extremely good looking man come and take me off the shelf.

When we got to his house I noticed how carefully he took me out of the box and read the directions word for word. He set me down near his 54 inch big screen television who I quickly became good friends with, his name was Toshiba, I think he was Japanese.

The first thing I noticed when my owner grabbed my controller was how soft his hands were, he must moisturize daily. His choice of games seemed to be the usual for people his age: sports, fighting, and war games. Judging by the movies he watched, he had some infatuation with Judd Apatow. My owner uses me a lot, its almost obvious he has no life, or girlfriend, or friends in general, but god bless him he does take wonderful care of me. Every now and then I can hear him yell at his mom not to touch me, I think he has trust issues.

We've been together for two years strong now. I'm hoping soon we have the big talk and he commits by switching me to a High Definition television. I don't want to loose him though, so for now I won't push the issue.

My Children Explain the Big Issues and A Four Hundred Year Old Woman

This was the first essay that I thought was very interesting. Each of the three stories were very short yet I think they represented much more. I think the way Will Baker writes these very short stories shows how much he loves his children. Each story has it's own special meaning and it doesn't take much to get it on paper. I think that's the biggest thing i learned from this essay. That your writing doesn't need to be pages long to be effective. Efficiency of your time, your writing, and the reader's time is key.

A Four Hundred Year Old Woman was the second essay that I thought was really cool. I loved the beginning of it where it states her destiny was to become a writer in her horoscope and how she was able to achieve that. I also really liked the contrast the author is able to develop with Indian tradition, what the nuns taught her and American life. That would be the main concept I learned from this piece. Not only is contrast important to conflict, it also diversifies the piece and makes it much more interesting.

Stopped Short

It was a K-Mart in Southern Scottsdale. The aisles were flooded with last second shoppers trying to fill their carts with enough crap to keep their young ones content. My parents left me in the care of my brother, Reza who is eleven years elder. I was only two at the time. He would take my stroller and weave me through aisles like he was in Nascar. He saw my parents from across the store and made a full sprint while pushing my stroller to them. Once there, he stopped on a whim. There was one problem, I wasn't fascened in. As soon as he stopped I went flying foward and just landed on my face. He still tells me this story and has to take fifteen second breaks to catch his breath from his excessive laughing. I never laugh when I hear it.

Unfortanetly this wasn't the last incident involving my brother with a sibling. My sister is the middle child, seven years younger than my brother. When she was an infant my brother felt a little bit of jealously. Well at least enough jealously to pile several pillows on top of her and do body slams repeatedly. He still tells her this story and has to take fifteen second breaks to catch his breath from his excessive laughing. She never laughs when she hears it.

When my parents came to America from Iran, they weren't as aware of child saftey as they should've of been. My brother was an infant, when they decided to make a road trip to Las Vegas. When they first arrived their at midnight they decided to hit the nickle slots in a Casino outside the strip. One problem, Reza was a baby and there was no way they can be gambling and watching him, so they had to make a choice. At this point commen sense would come knocking at the door and one would stay with the child and one would go inside to gamble. Unfortantely they left commen sense in Iran, I think they traded it for a sandwhich of some sort. So because my infant brother was already asleep in the car, they just decided to wrap a blanket around him and leave him their so they could go spend countless hours at the slot machine. Seven hours later my parents come back, my brother is still asleep, and they move on to their next Casino. My dad still tells him this story and has to take fifteen second breaks to catch his breath from his excessive laughing. He never laughs when he hears it.

My family is fucked up.

Pineapple Express

I don't go to the theaters much but I did recently rent Pineapple Express. This movie inspired me in many ways. It is the exact style of writing I am i trying to put on paper. It has everything, a great plot, absolutely hilarious dialogue, and most importantly it has great situational comedy. That is something I'm trying to work on. I think I am able to create good interior thought in my writing and decent humor, however I believe the true art of comedic writing needs to have funny situations. Pineapple Express had all of those, from the awesome one liners to the absurdly hilarious car chase scenes. What is amazing is that it was not only funny, it was a great movie. Usually comedies aren't taken seriously as theatrical art, however this movie should be in that category. I know I don't have the ability right now to create something as awesome as this movie, but it will be something I will be working on constantly and try to somehow harness a little bit of what this movie achieves. The ability for Pineapple Express to be a great film before it is a great comedy is what I will really try and incorporate and translate in my writing.

Sensitivity

I just finished a set of shrugs at the Gold's gym in Scottsdale. It was mid afternoon and the gym was fairly empty except for the few regulars that I see on a daily basis. From the corner of my eye I see Larry walk up to me. Larry was five foot eight inches, had tattoo sleeves on both his arms and was a fairly lean guy, I think he weighed around one hundred and forty five pounds. I have known Larry since I joined the gym about three years ago. As he is walking up to me, he takes his headphones out so I knew he was about to say something.
"Hey Ali, do your nipples ever get really sensitive?"
"What?"
"Do they ever like hurt when you work out? Mine are killing me."
"Maybe it's menopause. You experiencing any hot flashes?"
"No man, this is the first time I've had this."
Now I have known Larry long enough where he would be able to ask me this type of question, however I never would've of expected it. He continued his workout and finished his set.
The gym is a very awkward place for guys. Most guys feel so secure in there that they are not afraid to reveal any kind of information regardless of how well they know you. There were countless times I would have to sit and listen to guys brag about all their sex stories literally ten minutes after I met them. One instance involved an underage girl. Yea some of things guys say to each other are pretty disgusting. I can almost guarantee if a girlfriend was to hear some of things coming out of their boyfriends mouth in the gym, they would be in for a long talk.