Unit 4 groups

Blake -

I must say man you have some great posts in your blog. Everything is very detailed and provides wonderful imagery. I'm glad we had a chance to work together this semester, hopefully we can each learn something from each other.

Ok one of my favorite posts was the Dormitory section of the Living situation post. It was great because i knew exactly how you felt. I loved how you explained he was jerk that basically just ignored you completely. Just the idea of that is hysterical. I can imagine him just being in your way 24/7 on purpose just to piss you off then acting like nothing happened. That was great. I like how you acknowledge how much you write about your work at the hospital, its funny and yet there is nothing wrong with that because each post different. On that topic, another one of my favorites was A Case of the Mondays post. My favorite line was, "I dodge the whole situation by calling her ‘hey’." I can never remember names so it was something I relate to a whole lot. I think stories about the workplace are pretty interesting, especially when you give great insight at something like a hospital. Sometimes places that have that serious attitude can have the best comedy in between the lines. My third favorite was the French Braid story because it seemed pretty unique from the rest of your posts. There was a point of view change that first was a little bit confusing at first, but after i reread it, it became clear. The detail was great in the story and how built the tension in an ultimate frisbee game, which by the way are totally underrated.

Ok as far as things to work on, sometimes the sentances are not flowing quite right. It can be fixed once you reread it a couple times not a big deal. But I would like to make the language more lyrical in a sense. Like the word choice should flow from each sentance and be consistent. That's something I have been working on and its tough, but it really helps the reading of a story. The grammatical and spelling errors not a huge deal, I make them more than anyone. So besides that man just keep developing the writing, and I'm looking forward to reading some more of your work!

Diana

I would like to say I also volunteered at a hospital for over a year, so I know how you feel. I hated it, I don't like old people, especially old smelley complainy people haha, so it sucked and I commend you for going through it.

I really liked your poem Another day. It shows the hard work that most of us college students go through and the sometimes boring routine we all deal with it. It just really shows that never ending struggle with daily life and trying something new and in the end, the daily life usually always wins. Your post Peace was great. It was so open ended yet specific. It gave me scenes and feelings but didn't necessarily tell me how to feel, thats a great thing. You want to be able to express yourself through the writing and thats something that you defintiely have a knack for. The other post I really liked was "Eventually took its toll". The overall feeling and description of this story brought back a lot of old memories for me and it was great. It's pretty creative to show how many memories are held inside a couch, and its true. It can be a part of almost any scene in life.

In your future writing I would like for you to use more concrete details. I know your writing now is focused around feeling and emotion and thats great. However I would like some more concrete details to ground the reader in scene. Let us know where were are, then dive into whats going around your. Add that to your writing and the skys the limit. Looking forward to working with you Diana

My name is...

Name: Zahiri, Ali
Sex: Male
Date of Birth: 6-18-1988
Ethnicity: I always get to this part and never know what to put down. I was born in America and have fair skin. Does that make me white? Both my parents are from Iran. I don't see an option for Iranian, I see Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, and other. I guess I'm an other. Why am I an other? Why is this important? I guess all companies need to fill their quotas of ethnicities to prevent a lawsuit. The more I think about it I still don't know what I am and I hate to have to check one of these options. Saying other is such a cop out. Even though I'm Iranian, I display no cultural aspects of it. I own a Lou Bega CD, I'm as white as it gets. That's enough to convince me I guess.

Keys

I sat on the piano bench for the first time. My instructor kept her eyes still on my hands and directed my fingers as I completed scales for the first time. My hands were very small and it took a effort to push the keys down. As my hands slowly finished the scale my mind wandered as to why I was being put through this.
It was my first recital. Only my mother came. I was the last person to perform, meaning I was the most advanced of the students. My hands shook throughout both performances and I was using my heart beat as my metronome.
It was the talent show of my senior year in high school. I had been preparing a song for over four months. It was a jazz version of Flight of the Bumble Bee. My fingers pressed the keys with authority as my hands glided across piano. Each note had a feeling, each note showed an expression. The ending was filled with sound, it was powerful, it was glorious. The only thing louder were the roars of the standing crowd as I walked off stage. I then knew why I was put through this.

Two Essays

Death of a Moth

This was a great read, and I'm sure it's going to be a favorite for a lot of us. I think this piece really shows how important life is in all forms. It makes the reader want to appreciate his/her life, and all the life around them. After I finished reading this short piece, I found myself noticing things more outside and really enjoying the beauty of all life forms from plants to insects to animals. The harmony is truly amazing.

After Vitzel

I just liked the format of this story. The rhythm of the writing was interesting and something I would like to incorporate in my writing some how. Sometimes it rambles but the ability to make it full circle is great.

Insane in the Membrain...Insane in the Brain

Sometimes we do things for own sanity. Sometimes those things look insane to other people but are normal to yourself. I need a weight room for my sanity. I need to exercise to the point that I have to change plans to fit my workouts instead of the other way around. It sounds stupid to other people and when the ask why, I have no answer. There is no answer, no matter how I try to explain why I need to be there, they still wouldn't be able to understand. I myself cannot explain it, its just something I need to do. It's not a vanity thing, It more of a sanctuary thing. I can gather my thoughts, I can relieve stress, I can structure my life. We all have those places, mine just happens to be somewhere I can lift. At times it can be saddening when I'm in the gym instead of where my friends are, but if I don't go there is constant anxiety. In my case the gym can be damaging health rather than strengthening it.

Cellphones Ruin Life

I am sound asleep. I specifically remember my dream. I am talking to my then girlfriend and try to break the news the news that I wanted to break up with her. In the dream I was saying everything I rehearsed before. "Hey, I really wanted this to work, but there is nothing there for me." "I don't like to force things, and this feels forced". "You deserve a guy way taller than me." As i anxiously anticipate her reaction in the dream I am awaken by a my cell phone. It's a text message from Madeline "Hey you want to go running". The answer, "No." I turn off my cell phone and go back to sleep.


It is twelve in the afternoon. My bags are packed, my snacks are in a lunchbox and I just made a last run to bathroom to empty everything in my tank. I was ready for a road trip with three of my friends to California. Soon I would be soaking up the son and learning how to surf. I then feel my cellphone vibrate in my pant pocket. I figured it was one of my friends letting me know they are on their way to pick me up. It wasn't. My work called me in.


It was supposed to be the night of my first date with Jenny. She had be texted me all week and I knew she was really looking forward to it. I picked up my cellphone at 5:30 p.m. and let her know I was going to be picking her up around 8 p.m. when I get off work. On my way to work I made a stop at my friend house to drop off some stuff he left in my car. He is waiting outside for me as I pull up.
"I have good news and I have great news." He says
"What is it?"
"The good news is you don't have to go to work right now. The great news is I have four tickets to the Sun's game tonight".
Keep in mind I have never been to a Suns game and these tickets were $125.00 pop. I had no choice, you can't turn down free Suns tickets. I texted her at 5:45 p.m. fifteen minutes after I just made plans with her. To give me a little bit of credit I was honest with her and told I wanted to go the Suns game and I only pushed back the plans that night.
I picked her up at 10:30 p.m. and took her out.

Outside

Well i wish i didn't wait till it got dark to do this post...

The pool water is very still. The only ripples in the water are created from a dolphin chlorine dispenser that is wearing sunglasses and a smile so big it looks like he just got a happy ending at a massage parlor. There are some mosquitoes hovering over light I turned on, one came near me and I screamed and starting running while throwing my arms around to try and bat it away. I then immediately did push ups and spoke in a deeper tone to secure my masculinity. It has been like three minutes, I really wish i didn't do this at night. There is a full moon and the skies are clear. I see several planes going over head.

My attention span is very limited, so my mind was constantly wandering. Oh, look a new season of Real World/Road Rules challenge! Anyway so throughout this little experiment the mosquitoes just reminded me of how much I hate bugs. Then that reminded me of the giant red bump on my ass from a mosquito bight. Then that reminded me of the baboons with the red asses. Long story short I some how came back inside picturing a midget on a unicycle juggling dildos.