Well i wish i didn't wait till it got dark to do this post...
The pool water is very still. The only ripples in the water are created from a dolphin chlorine dispenser that is wearing sunglasses and a smile so big it looks like he just got a happy ending at a massage parlor. There are some mosquitoes hovering over light I turned on, one came near me and I screamed and starting running while throwing my arms around to try and bat it away. I then immediately did push ups and spoke in a deeper tone to secure my masculinity. It has been like three minutes, I really wish i didn't do this at night. There is a full moon and the skies are clear. I see several planes going over head.
My attention span is very limited, so my mind was constantly wandering. Oh, look a new season of Real World/Road Rules challenge! Anyway so throughout this little experiment the mosquitoes just reminded me of how much I hate bugs. Then that reminded me of the giant red bump on my ass from a mosquito bight. Then that reminded me of the baboons with the red asses. Long story short I some how came back inside picturing a midget on a unicycle juggling dildos.
Friday, March 20, 2009
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Hey Ali,
ReplyDeleteQuite the interesting piece and I can see how doing this assignment was more challenging in the dark. I enjoyed the part about freaking out about giant mosquitoes I have a few friends who do the same thing. Your writing flowed very well until then end and then became a little random which changed the flow a little bit. All in all I liked your story and look forward to reading more.
I see why you found it hard to do this assignment at night. Obviously you can’t see much so it’s hard to observe what is going on. You did a good job though at describing the pool, the mosquitoes, and the sky. You added humor to your story making it exciting and interesting. I liked how you said you ran away from the mosquitoes and then did some push ups to secure your masculinity.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of your story you started to list things you were either thinking of or seeing. It didn’t really flow with your story. Maybe try to incorporate them into the story instead of leaving it all at the end. They were very random thoughts making it hard to understand what was exactly going on.
I enjoyed reading your blog; it was full of humor which added a bit of your own personality. I liked how you used details to describe what was happening around you and best of all how that mosquitoes was all over you. I understand that doing this blog a night was a bit harder, but I liked how you let the reader know that you had a short time span. This allowed me to see why your thoughts were scattered all over the place towards the end. Interesting blog!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next!