Unit 4 groups

Blake -

I must say man you have some great posts in your blog. Everything is very detailed and provides wonderful imagery. I'm glad we had a chance to work together this semester, hopefully we can each learn something from each other.

Ok one of my favorite posts was the Dormitory section of the Living situation post. It was great because i knew exactly how you felt. I loved how you explained he was jerk that basically just ignored you completely. Just the idea of that is hysterical. I can imagine him just being in your way 24/7 on purpose just to piss you off then acting like nothing happened. That was great. I like how you acknowledge how much you write about your work at the hospital, its funny and yet there is nothing wrong with that because each post different. On that topic, another one of my favorites was A Case of the Mondays post. My favorite line was, "I dodge the whole situation by calling her ‘hey’." I can never remember names so it was something I relate to a whole lot. I think stories about the workplace are pretty interesting, especially when you give great insight at something like a hospital. Sometimes places that have that serious attitude can have the best comedy in between the lines. My third favorite was the French Braid story because it seemed pretty unique from the rest of your posts. There was a point of view change that first was a little bit confusing at first, but after i reread it, it became clear. The detail was great in the story and how built the tension in an ultimate frisbee game, which by the way are totally underrated.

Ok as far as things to work on, sometimes the sentances are not flowing quite right. It can be fixed once you reread it a couple times not a big deal. But I would like to make the language more lyrical in a sense. Like the word choice should flow from each sentance and be consistent. That's something I have been working on and its tough, but it really helps the reading of a story. The grammatical and spelling errors not a huge deal, I make them more than anyone. So besides that man just keep developing the writing, and I'm looking forward to reading some more of your work!

Diana

I would like to say I also volunteered at a hospital for over a year, so I know how you feel. I hated it, I don't like old people, especially old smelley complainy people haha, so it sucked and I commend you for going through it.

I really liked your poem Another day. It shows the hard work that most of us college students go through and the sometimes boring routine we all deal with it. It just really shows that never ending struggle with daily life and trying something new and in the end, the daily life usually always wins. Your post Peace was great. It was so open ended yet specific. It gave me scenes and feelings but didn't necessarily tell me how to feel, thats a great thing. You want to be able to express yourself through the writing and thats something that you defintiely have a knack for. The other post I really liked was "Eventually took its toll". The overall feeling and description of this story brought back a lot of old memories for me and it was great. It's pretty creative to show how many memories are held inside a couch, and its true. It can be a part of almost any scene in life.

In your future writing I would like for you to use more concrete details. I know your writing now is focused around feeling and emotion and thats great. However I would like some more concrete details to ground the reader in scene. Let us know where were are, then dive into whats going around your. Add that to your writing and the skys the limit. Looking forward to working with you Diana

My name is...

Name: Zahiri, Ali
Sex: Male
Date of Birth: 6-18-1988
Ethnicity: I always get to this part and never know what to put down. I was born in America and have fair skin. Does that make me white? Both my parents are from Iran. I don't see an option for Iranian, I see Caucasian, African American, Hispanic, and other. I guess I'm an other. Why am I an other? Why is this important? I guess all companies need to fill their quotas of ethnicities to prevent a lawsuit. The more I think about it I still don't know what I am and I hate to have to check one of these options. Saying other is such a cop out. Even though I'm Iranian, I display no cultural aspects of it. I own a Lou Bega CD, I'm as white as it gets. That's enough to convince me I guess.

Keys

I sat on the piano bench for the first time. My instructor kept her eyes still on my hands and directed my fingers as I completed scales for the first time. My hands were very small and it took a effort to push the keys down. As my hands slowly finished the scale my mind wandered as to why I was being put through this.
It was my first recital. Only my mother came. I was the last person to perform, meaning I was the most advanced of the students. My hands shook throughout both performances and I was using my heart beat as my metronome.
It was the talent show of my senior year in high school. I had been preparing a song for over four months. It was a jazz version of Flight of the Bumble Bee. My fingers pressed the keys with authority as my hands glided across piano. Each note had a feeling, each note showed an expression. The ending was filled with sound, it was powerful, it was glorious. The only thing louder were the roars of the standing crowd as I walked off stage. I then knew why I was put through this.

Two Essays

Death of a Moth

This was a great read, and I'm sure it's going to be a favorite for a lot of us. I think this piece really shows how important life is in all forms. It makes the reader want to appreciate his/her life, and all the life around them. After I finished reading this short piece, I found myself noticing things more outside and really enjoying the beauty of all life forms from plants to insects to animals. The harmony is truly amazing.

After Vitzel

I just liked the format of this story. The rhythm of the writing was interesting and something I would like to incorporate in my writing some how. Sometimes it rambles but the ability to make it full circle is great.